Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Straining Forward

We arrived at our destination where my husband will be starting his new position. The drive here was joyful. We were all laughing and having such a good time together. The excitement is here about what is before us. I knew that it wasn't going to be 'perfect' though. Everything has seemingly fallen into place thus far, but nothing is ever perfect. God keeps us relying on Him, and sometimes this means that not everything is going to work out smooth or easy.

After checking into our hotel yesterday, we began right away looking into some of the homes we have found online and learned of through realtors. Unfortunately, the one home we 'thought' would be just the right place, has already been taken. The other homes we looked at, were terrrible locations. One home was on the water. I got real excited about that one!! When we rode by, we saw there is NO WAY we can get our furniture into it! It is seriously hanging on the side of a hill....took a narrow dirt road to get to it. Then, there was no access. The front yard of the home was literally a sea wall, and dropped right to the water. Then, there was no driveway. You had to park at the top of stairs, and the stairs leading down to it were narrow and steep. Even David struggled with the height of it and lets just say it isn't going to work. The other homes we see are in places where college students are rooming together, or the rooms are way too small to hold our large 'Bernhardt' furniture.

Honestly, with being ministry minded, moving that large furniture is getting to be a pain. We hold onto it because we LOVE it so much! It was a wedding gift from David's father and mother and we cherish it for that reason. However, after moving it like going on 7-8 times now...and it takes 3-4 men to move the armoire....every time we move it we think to ourselves...wish we just had a platform bed! Also, we are always basing where we live around needing the furniture to be able to 'fit'. It is hard, because it has special sentiment, but at the same time, moving it so much is tough. I'm not sure God is done with us yet. I wonder sometimes if we are a traveling mission family.

Needless to say, we came back and looked online, in papers, in realty books for rentals, all around the surrounding cities. There is nothing for rent accept apartments or townhouses. Which would not be bad, but they are mostly in college student areas.

The thing I'm struggling with this moment...which is so selfish of me in the big scheme of things...is this: Why would God give us the home we prayed for, a church family we prayed, a supportive homeschool group we prayed for that all became like our family away from family! Then, within a yr, rip it out from under us. I'm sure many people ask this question for even more devastating reasons. I'm not talking about other people right now, and this is just where I am at for the moment...won't stay in this mindset though. There are many people struggling over so much worse right now!!! So this is why I acknowledge that this is very selfish thinking on my part.

It took me 3 yrs to even adjust to being in the area we moved to. It was SO HARD leaving family and our Mountain Grove friends back home when we move to the east so suddenly. We had just lost our beloved father/GaGa...David's father to cancer not long before we moved. Then many other family members have died sense...lot of painful losses.

In that 3 yrs God was leading us to Harvest, and once we actually got there, we really believe this would be where we would complete a lot of healing, get rooted and serve. We were already beginning to serve in prison ministry. Our children were beginning to plug into things. Our daughter in youth band, son in media. My son and I were even training to help with video/media to edit the sermons that are televised. I was excited about this! And of course, I just love the PEOPLE, ministries there and the music ministry. I love their heart of 'outreaching' to the community and not being so inward minded (like I'm being right now). Serving at the prison blessed us I think even more than the men we were there to bless. God is doing a great work there in hurting lives and raising up men of God. I know this can continue on wherever we are. It is just difficult when you feel that you are in a 'safe' place to grow and serve. God is all about removing the safety nets, so we will trust HIM.

The scripture from Philippians that God brought to me yesterday has a part in it that says, " But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead..." The key word there for me is 'straining'. I'm literally straining forward right now. This is not easy, but I do not want to get 'stuck' like I did when we moved from our hometown to the east; Don't want it to take yrs to get unstuck. I don't believe it will. I've grown a lot, plus I have people who love and support me so much that they will not allow me to go back to that dark place of being stuck. I'll keep straining forward for now with Jesus lighting the way, and soon there will be a breaking. I will see the sense in all of this a little later. In 2011 we've gone through so many things, and seen others go through so much that does not make sense at all in the natural. However, in the spiritual, God is most glorified.

Yesterday was not a productive day. Praying today we will get some leads out from somewhere. The home God brought to us this last time, was just laid in our laps...AFTER we stopped belaboring the process of looking for the perfect place. He gently laid it in our laps out from nowhere. He is the same God yesterday, today and tomorrow. He will work it out for our good.

I keep singing this song in my head from the Rolling Stones: You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need. My God will supply all of our needs according to HIS riches in Christ Jesus! I'm holding on to Jesus.

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