Monday, October 10, 2011

Losing Days

So... I've only got two more days to get everything ready for the movers. They come on Thurs to pack and load everything. The timing is so tight between the house cleaners and carpet cleaners that I'm having to pack up as much as I can to help the movers along. They were going to pack everything and load everything for us, but it will cut out a lot of time if I can get as much packed up as possible. Plus, it will save the company some money as well.

I had made some good progress last couple of weeks with going through our rooms and garages. Then last week, cleaned out the attic, more sifting out things in the garage. Finished packing up Josh's room. Jordan's room is done. She did hers over a week ago and she is good to go. The last I need to do is pack up my bedroom, closet, kitchen, linen closet, and bathrooms and extra closet in bathroom. The bathrooms will be easy...not much there.

In the midst of this move, I started getting sick last week. I noticed some shortness of breath, headache, fatique. Over the weekend it turned into walking pneumonia. Yesterday I honestly thought about calling 911. Jordan said my face was turning bright red because I could not breath in, felt like I was suffocating. I'd say night before last, thru yesterday were my worst with the wheezing and difficulty breathing, fever and headache.

I got into a clinic today and they prescribed some heavy duty meds. My blood pressure was up too. Hope the meds will knock this out because I only have a few more days here to get things done!

I'm so sad that I was unable to attend church yesterday. We have a guest speaker here, and I was looking forward to hearing this man. He will be speaking tonight as well, but Dr.'s orders are for me to stay in bed one more day (at least) and rest, or I could end up in the hospital. Both of my children are also sick..my son is much worse. They both have appointments today at 1:30.

I'm so tired! Hope I can make the drive...so so weak. I'll have to make it through their appointments before I can rest. Between this sickness, I've not been able to work on packing the house for 3 days now....which puts me under pressure to get everything done in less days.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings...

My feelings are so extremely up and down these days. One day I am so hopeful and excited about the move... what God has for us in this new place we are moving. Then the next, I am sad and tearful...thinking about missing many things here and many wonderful people God has brought into our path. I am constantly reminding myself that none of this is about me or what I feel. It is all about putting God FIRST above friends and even family. We must follow God as a couple and as a family unit in service. Everything we own and do is not our own, it all belongs to Jesus.

Right now the sadness and grief is to be expected for a little while, because I am grieving the loss of our home, our supportive homeschool group in Greenville, our loving church family. I know things will get a little better. I know these are all THINGS, but what I will miss MOST are the relationships we have built here. We were in a 'safe' place to be and grow. Pastors Tad and Treva, Pastor Brian and Tara, Pastor Sarge and her Smelling Salts Ministry, and Pastors Brian and Hannah, Ms. Diane...our elders and leaders, made it safe haven for us all. They loved us where we were at, and lovingly, gently, patiently led us to the healing living water.

I did do much better at church this Sunday than I thought; Kept my mind as stayed on God and in an attitude of prayer as much as possible, and asked Him to help me get thru it. There is nothing I can do without the Lord helping me.

During praise and worship I got a little emotional, but as I released it I could feel the Holy Spirit really take over and HIS presence to strong and powerful. The More I Seek You is a special song to me. It was a song given to me by a friend, Charlotte, after a Women's Encounter I attended last November. During that Women's Encounter is when the Lord completely healed me of Fibromyalgia. I wasn't even praying about being healed...after so many years....God took it away when Pastor Tara prayed with me over totally different things. God is full of unexpected surprises. I did not expect that I was going to be singing that song through the first time alone on Sunday, but God gave me the strength to do it. I enjoyed worshipping with the youth band, and as always enjoyed singing with Pastor Treva. I'm going to miss her, and our beautiful worshippers...band and vocals, and choir so much. They all have such hearts to be unified in worship, and not just be up there to sing or play instruments. It makes for such a sweet spirit and presence of the Lord. Even our practice times are worship. :) I will miss this so much.

We had a beautiful service Sunday. The moving of the Holy Spirit among the people in corporate worship was sweet and precious. Pastor Tad's message was so timely (regarding Surrender...hmmm - God you sure know what you are doing!)

David was commissioned and sent out by our church for chaplaincy, and we were sent out as a family as servants of God. He was ordained under the non denominational EFI - Evangel Fellowship International. We are excited to have this covering, and to still be connected with Harvest Church too. Who knows what God is up to. The children and I were up front with David and we were prayed for as a family. The Pastors, elders and leaders of our church prayed over us and they blessed our family. A word from the Lord given through one of the elders and was spoken over us... that today was a new day, and we were walking in a new way. I wish I could remember every word....may need to get a copy of that service sometime. Basically, all of the old is passed away, all of the pain and mistakes of the past, and we are moving forward in a newness with the Lord. It was so touching, and I personally felt hopeful, so 'covered' under the Almighty wing of God as they prayed and as this word was brought forth. God seems to be confirming this everywhere I listen and look. Especially by His word.

About the move...

We are making great progress with sifting out more things we can 'let go of'. Thankfully I am not the kind of person who replaces everything we have let go of in the past. Unless it is something we needed, I'm learning to 'let things go' even cards and sentimental items. There are a few things I needed to keep though. They were just too special. We took 6 boxes to Goodwill. That was just items from our garage. Today I'm going to tackle Josh's room. Jordan has cleaned out her room pretty good. She reminds me of my sister Beth so much!!! She does NOT get sentimentally attached to much, and is good at not holding on to things. I mean, I had to actually talk her into keeping SOME things she wanted to get rid of! Her room is pretty much down to bare minimum. Josh on the other hand, is a little more like David and myself. He gets a little more sentimental about things. His room will be a challenge. He has a LOT of little things. We've let go of a LOT the last 3 moves. He even let go of some things he had held to that were hard for him to let go of...things he had collected. God is sifting us again.

I want to continue to live as simply as possible. In my heart, I do not believe this is going to be our last and final move.

So far, the plan is for the movers to come on the 13th to begin packing us up. They will load the truck and if they can't get it all done on the 13th, they will finish up on the 14th. Then they will store our belongings until Mon. the 17th. The 17th is our 'official' move in date to our new location.

I know it is going to get so chaotic next week. There are some plans I've been able to make with a few friends, but if I miss getting to see you I am sorry. Any of you are invited to stop by (I may put you to work...haha ...just kidding) We will be here for the most part...just call to make sure we are here. We'd love to see you. Keep in mind, there is no telling what 'state' you will find us in...pajamas, stinking, messy hair, tearful, happy, smelling good, put together....you could get any of these or between the four of us all of these at the same time! So enter at your own risk, and you are always welcome friends.

Time to get back at it!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

I found the song!!!

Yay! I found the words to this song that the Lord brought to me after Pastor Brian's sermon several weeks ago. I've been looking for it everywhere!! I finally found the piano sheet music on a little music website. Here it is.....

Just the Same - Janet Paschal

Chorus
Just the same, Lord, Just the same.
Let me love You just the same.
Though my world will always change,
let me love You just the same.

Vs 1
Time moves on, days go by.
Flowers bloom and then they die.
Seasons come, seasons go,
fires burn to ashes cold.

Chorus
Just the same, Lord, Just the same.
Let me love You just the same.
Though my world will always change,
let me love You just the same.

Vs 2
Pages turn, chapters end,
hopes arise and then descend.
Lives are touched, plans are laid.
Youth matures and memories fade.

Chorus
Just the same, Lord, Just the same.
Let me love You just the same.
Though my world will always change,
let me love You just the same.

Simple song, but the verses speak to me during this time. Wish I could find a video with the song...the music is beautiful!

In a Little While

So last week, I came across a song by Isreal Houghton titled Moving Forward. Yesterday 'Sarge' sent it to me, and it was a great reminder to me to keep pressing forward for the call of Christ. And I will do that...in a little while.

Here is the song:


Such a beautiful song and lyrics are so fitting.

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Been quite busy these past days! A few moments of grief too, and haven't really felt like writing anything much but general stuff on Facebook updates.

I am grieving right now. Grief is so different for everyone and for different reasons and seasons. People so want to pull me up by my bootstraps, but only God can do that. People just gotta let people grieve. Sit there with them, cry with them, and pray for them. "Weep with those who weep, mourn with those who mourn". Not FIX them. God will do HIS work! HE is doing HIS best work in us all.

I'm not going to get stuck again. It is OK to miss people we love and SHOW them that we will miss them!

Jesus cried when Lazarus died. Even Jacob, when he thought his son was dead and thought he would never see him again said he would NEVER be comforted again! Paul missed people so much when he was on his missionary travels. Now, I'm not Jesus, Jacob, or Paul, and neither are we. We want to be like Jesus, but none of us are going to be JUST LIKE Jesus! We will never be PERFECT.

Boy if there is one thing I am learning for myself, it is to quit trying to tell people when and how to get thru their personal trials. Yes ENCOURAGE, REMIND THEM of who they are, remind them it is OK to cry. Don't say to them things that are going to hurt them, or make them feel that they are not making it thru in the 'right time'. It is THEIR journey. Each person has their own journey to walk out with God. Our only job is to LOVE, and ENCOURAGE someone for the kingdom. Love God, Love Others. NONE of us have perfection down!

I realize people mean well, but they make a person feel worse than they already feel. It can do more damage than good sometimes. We ARE NOT robots, and neither was Jesus! He was GOD in the flesh and we are NOT!

Anywho, so........ we did find a home, a townhouse actually. We had hoped for a "house", but I'm very thankful we KNOW where we are going to be living. I'm very thankful my husband has a job. I do like the town we will be living in. It seems so open, bright and hopeful. It seems to be 'alive' if that makes sense.

Our townhome is in a great location in proximity to everything we will need, including my husband's new office. It is a very roomy and more than adequate for our family (and for visitors...hint hint!) The scenery is just breathtaking around the city we are going to live in. I mean, you are driving through town, and it will open up to mountains and a valley. So beautiful! Actually, mountains all around us!! I think the elevation there is around 2200 ft above sea level.

We are working and cleaning out things. Got a lot accomplished yesterday. Getting rid of MORE today...didn't think we had much more to get rid of after so many moves, but sure enough, we do! We have done this every time we move, but there are things that I couldn't let go of last yr, that I'm willing to give away this year. It is always good and cleansing to simplify. I love to live simple, and the simplier the better with these moves we make! I'm thinking God must have called us to be traveling missionaries.

Yesterday we showed the home we are in now, to a lady who is married with a little girl. She is moving here to work for the hospital I had hoped my husband would be able to get a job with. This stung a little, I have to be honest. I thought to myself.... GOD you gave us this house we prayed for, a church family to get rooted and grounded in to serve....all answers to prayer. Then, it is like the rug gets ripped out from under me. I had a little tantrum over that with God. He is my Daddy, and he can handle me just fine, but it was just a hard moment. However, after meeting the lady, she was very nice. She is going through the SAME thing! leaving a state and home that she has always known. It was nice to comfort her, and she was a comfort to me. I have peace knowing that she and her family will be in a beautiful home and in a great neighborhood. I even told her about our church...because she mentioned that she would not have any support system here, and our church has been that and so much MORE for our family while we have been here. I'm so thankful for the family of God! What do people do without the Lord?? They have no hope.

I have to remember, this world is not my home. Eternity with Jesus in Heaven is my home, and I will see all of our (believing loved ones - those who are in Christ) again there. This world is also a SMALL WORLD! It amazes me how we can be in different parts of the world, and run into people from our hometown. It really IS a small world in many ways. I can only hope that I'll see my eastern NC friends from time to time. The good news is, we will be closer to our family and friends in Western NC.

I'm still sad for now, but it hasn't been very long since finding out we are moving! I'm really going to miss people here, and this does not mean that I am ungrateful, or not thankful, or not seeing the blessings in it all, or in the depths of despair that I'm never going to get out of (which I have been in that place before for other reasons...I'm not perfect!). It means RIGHT NOW, I am HUMAN...I'm sad, will miss and I CARE about those relationships we have made in the kingdom here. I'm not good at faking that.

At the same time, there is hope to see what God is going to do in our new place. I'm excited for my husband, because this is what he has been working toward and where he believes God has called him to serve. It is unexplored territory. Yes it is an adventure and I will SEE the blessings in all of this down the road. Right now, just sit with me in the pit and cry with me for a little while, because I WILL get through this and I'll be fine. I've got moments of laughter about this, but moments of tears with missing everyone.

In the words of Morrie, "Love or Perish". In the Bible, book of Galatians it says, "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

And I love this...

Philippians 1
18 But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, 19 for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. 20 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.

The lyrics to this song by Everember (a local band here) are so encouraging to me right now. JESUS is always in control for those who LOVE HIM and desire to do His will. Their will be trials and we are never alone....Jesus walks with us through it all. Love it!

Click Here for Moonlight by Everember

You can check out their other music here: Everember Website

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Today is the Day!

My husband woke up early this morning! He has been on the computer searching for housing. There has been another home posted since yesterday, but it is not in the city I hope we can live in. He still wants to look at it because it is in between the city his office will be, and the city I had hope we can live in. I'm thinking the whole deciding factor is how the children will react. They have always been a huge 'gauge' to every decision like this that we have made about housing. We know if their 'seal' of approval is on it, then we are in the right spot.

Today we have appointments to see two townhouses. These are actually places that our daughter found online. When husband called about them, they told us that they do not allow undergrad students only upper grad and mostly medical students. One of the places even allows us free access to the local aquatic center. The aquatic center in the city I'd like to live in is REALLY NICE! AND they allow pets. :) Josh has been wanting a dog SO BAD! (and I have too ;)

Husband seems to believe today is the day. He even believes this so strongly that he wants to check out of our hotel, and pack up to head back east after we secure everything here. I guess I'll just grab on to that, and we'll see where God takes this day. He said the worst thing that could happen is that we'd have to check back in. However, if we pack up the car, I really don't want to unpack it again until we are back home.

Yesterday did not hold any promise of a home for us here, but hoping that today is the day! Our church and Pastors are praying for us...so are lots of friends. We are having faith that the right place will come at just the right time. We'll see what God does!